Unit V Key 5 – For the Mentor

JOURNEY TO FREEDOM HANDBOOK

UNIT V Key 5                                              LOVE

Purpose of this Key:

  1. Learn more about loving difficult people.
  2. Learn to avoid blaming themselves for the negative attitudes of others.
  3. Apply Biblical standards of love.
  4. Repent of their failures to love.
  5. Learn that people often love better when they bridle their tongues.
  6. Overcome negative attitudes towards authority figures.
  7. Recognize that difficult people are a spiritual test.

I John 3:18-20

Common responses:

  1. Love needs to be put into action.
  2. Love is self-sacrifice.
  3. If we love in obedience to the Word, we can have confidence.
  4. Love is not just a feeling.
  5. Our consciences will tell us if our love is real or fake.
  6. God knows if we are being truly loving or not.
  7. Only God sets the standards for love.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Only the Holy Spirit can convict us of our failures to love.
  2. Love shows itself in kindness, gentleness, and patience.
  3. If we are kind, gentle, and patient toward unloving people, we can celebrate with Jesus because we did what was right.
  4. Forgiveness means we are willing to love those who wronged us.
  5. If we fail to forgive, we feel guilty. Then we look for more faults in that person to justify our lack of love. Our resentment grows all out of proportion to the original offense.
  6. Nothing will break the cycle until we repent of our failures to love.
  7. Pride causes us to view ourselves as the injured party. To forgive someone, we need to become humble.
  8. If we are faithful in small acts of kindness, God can entrust us with bigger opportunities (Matthew 25:21 & 23).

Luke 6:32-33 & 35-36

Common responses:

  1. Loving your friends is easy.
  2. If we love those who wish the worst for us, God will reward us.
  3. He expects us to love the unlovable and help those who cannot repay us.
  4. If you do a good deed for someone, do not expect to be re-paid.
  5. Loving our enemies is an act of obedience to God.
  6. Loving our enemies shows that we belong to Jesus.
  7. God loved us while we were His enemies.

Points to emphasize:

  1. If we act lovingly toward our enemies, we can celebrate with Jesus because we did what was right.
  2. God will reward us for loving difficult people, even if they never love us back.
  3. Difficult people test our faith.
  4. Only God’s mercy in Christ as a free gift can motivate us to love difficult people.
  5. The Holy Spirit working through the Word motivates us to unselfishly help those who cannot repay us.

Luke 6:45

Common responses:

  1. If you have love in your heart, you will speak lovingly.
  2. We need to be honest with God.
  3. Our words reveal what is in our hearts and minds.
  4. If Jesus rules in our hearts, good will flow out from us.
  5. Without Jesus, we will be selfish.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Only the Holy Spirit through the Word can motivate us to love unselfishly.
  2. Love is a combination of words and deeds. If we do good deeds for someone but speak unkindly to them, we are not perceived as loving. Refer to I Corinthians 13:3 and I John 3:18.
  3. Unloving thoughts will eventually show up in our speech. That is why we need to confess sins of thoughts, attitudes, fantasies, secret agendas, hidden motivations, and pride.
  4. If we rigorously and thoroughly examine ourselves for sins of the mind and then confess them to God in secret before they show in our words and deeds and become obvious to others, we are less likely to be embarrassed in front of others.
  5. No unconfessed sin can remain hidden. Eventually they become obvious.
  6. Our Treasure is the in-dwelling Christ (II Corinthians 4:7). He pours out His goodness through us.

Luke 17:7-10

Common responses:

  1. Whatever the Lord wants us to do, we will do.
  2. Obedience is what is expected of us.
  3. We should not look for recognition.
  4. We serve God by loving others as a natural reaction to God’s love for us.
  5. We do not earn any special consideration from God because we serve Him.
  6. We should be glad when He asks us to do one more thing for Him.
  7. Nothing He asks us to do is beyond the call of duty.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Often God rewards our faithfulness with bigger tasks (Matthew 25:21 & 23).
  2. When we were under the Law, we served God out of fear.
  3. Now that we have accepted His forgiveness, we serve out of gratitude for His mercy.
  4. Because of His mercy, we gladly work harder for the Lord than we did when we were under the Law.
  5. God will reward us, but not on our own terms (Hebrews 6:10).
  6. Our greatest reward will be when we get to Heaven and see the people whom we helped to get there. They will shake our hands and thank us.
  7. Our good deeds do not get us into Heaven, but they follow us in (Revelations 14:13).

1. On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate the strength of your love? Please explain your answer.

Common responses:

  1. Numbers are usually high at this point.   
  2. Some indicate their love is growing stronger.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Encourage thanks and praise to God.
  2. Sometimes God teaches us to love better by putting kind people into our lives to teach us to love better.
  3. Other times He teaches us to love better by putting difficult people into our lives to challenge our ability to love.
  4. If they can do nothing else for someone, they can pray for that person.

2. On a scale of 1-10, how much has your ability to love increased since you began the program? Please explain your answer.

Common responses:

  1. Numbers are usually high at this point.
  2. Some indicate that they now love themselves better.
  3. Some indicate that they did not know what love was until they came to know Jesus through the Word.
  4. Some had love and sex confused.
  5. Some had a lot of hate until they came to know Jesus.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Encourage thanks and praise to God.
  2. Affirm their progress. None of it was easy.

3. What does I Peter 2:13-17 tell us about dealing with difficult people, especially in authority?

Common responses:

  1. We must love them, respect them, and pray for them.
  2. God will deal with evil-doers. He wants them to be saved.
  3. We are responsible for obeying God no matter how others treat us.
  4. God has a purpose for us when we are in such circumstances.
  5. Jesus Himself accepted ungodly authority (Isaiah 53:7-8 & John 19:10-11) for our sakes.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Note that respecting authority is acting like a free person (verse 16).
  2. We are free in Christ to accept unjust authority without feeling degraded.
  3. The secular world believes that we only become free by resisting authority.
  4. We are only truly free when we obey God’s will.
  5. Some people love having authority just so they can abuse it.
  6. Our response to unjust authority is our witness to the world (verse 15).
  7. God will handle them His way, which will be better than our way.
  8. God will reward us for living a good witness.
  9. We can respect the authority figure’s office even if we do not respect the person in it.
  10. We are to pray for our leaders even if we did not vote for them and they are making bad decisions.
  11. In countries where Christians are persecuted by their government, they are still the most loyal citizens.

4. Are there people in your life who seemed difficult to love, to whom you sincerely reached out, and who responded favorably? Please explain your answer.

Common responses:

  1. Answers will vary.
  2. Some are amazed because they have been able to turn enemies into friends, reconcile with their families, and get along with authority figures.  

Points to emphasize:

  1. Encourage thanks and praise to God.
  2. Affirm any progress. None of it was easy.
  3. Counsel based on your knowledge, experience, and what you have learned from working with this person.

5. Are there people in your life who seemed difficult to love, and who despite your best efforts to love, never seemed to change? Please explain your answer.

Common responses:

  1. Many have been disappointed when love was not returned.
  2. Some of the people whom they tried to love interpreted kindness as weakness.

Points to emphasize:

  1. When we try to love someone, and they respond with hostility and rejection, their consciences might be aggravated. Because our efforts to be kind aggravate their consciences, they might become worse.
  2. If they seem to become worse, it might mean that our kindness is effective.
  3. People with unconfessed sin in their lives often do hateful things.
  4. Our blessings return to us if others do not accept them (Matthew 10:13).
  5. Some people are just committed to their negative attitudes.
  6. The world is watching us Christians, even if they do not realize it.
  7. Others might notice how we respond to hostility and rejection.
  8. The pain of unrequited love is a cross we sometimes have to carry.
  9. When our love is not returned, the Father Who sees in secret will reward us (Matthew 6:4, 6, & 18).
  10. However, we never know when someone might unexpectedly repent. If we are praying for a spiritual awakening, we should not be surprised if it happens.
  11. Counsel based on your knowledge, experience, and what you have learned from working with this person.

6. Are there people in your life to whom you owe an apology, and you have not yet done so? What is stopping you?

Common responses:

  1. Answers will vary.
  2. In many countries, those who committed crimes are prevented by law from contact with their victims. This is especially true if the victim was a child.
  3. Sometimes all they can do is pray for former victims.
  4. Some are not sure how to get started.
  5. Some tried, and it went well.
  6. Some tried, and it did not go well.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Encourage them to do what they can to make amends.
  2. Encourage on-going prayer for those whom they have hurt (James 5:16b).
  3. Encourage thanks and praise to God when the apology went well and they were able to reconcile.
  4. If the apology did not go well, affirm that God will bless them for trying.
  5. Counsel based on your knowledge, experience, and what you have learned from working with this person.

7. Is there anyone in your life to whom you feel you should reach out, but are not sure how to get started? Please explain your answer.

Common responses:

  1. Answers will vary.
  2. Some are focused on their own internal changes.
  3. Some are trying to reach out, especially to family members with whom they want to reconcile.

Points to emphasize:

  1. If they are more focused on their own internal changes, affirm that choice.
  2. Encourage intercessory prayer for those to whom they feel led to reach out.
  3. Encourage them to be Spirit-led and make God’s priorities their priorities.
  4. Counsel based on your knowledge, experience, and what you have learned from working with this person.

8. Do you ever blame others for your own faults? Please explain your answer.

Common responses:

  1. Most of them used to before they came under the conviction of the Holy Spirit, but now they accept responsibility for their own faults.  
  2. Some express regret because they used to blame others, thereby causing more conflict and hurting people.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Affirm their progress. They have made big changes.
  2. Encourage efforts to reconcile broken relationships.
  3. Be aware that many grew up in families in which whenever anything went wrong, the first impulse was to lay blame on someone.

9. Do you ever blame yourself for others’ faults? Please explain your answer.

Common responses:

  1. Some used to, but now realize they were wrong.
  2. Some still do. When a problem occurs, they wonder what they could have done to prevent it.
  3. In conflicts with others, they wonder what they could have done differently to avoid or resolve the conflict.
  4. Minor-attracted adults wonder if the children whom they molested will grow up to molest children.

Points to emphasize:

  1. If they no longer blame themselves for the faults of others, encourage thanks and praise to God.
  2. The devil first tries to prevent us from confessing our sins. If he cannot prevent us from confessing our sins, he will try to convince us that we are to blame for the sins of others.
  3. False guilt causes great mental torment and robs one of joy. The devil’s lies rob us of joy.
  4. Encourage them to be alone with the Holy Spirit, ask if they have done anything to cause problems for others, and be willing to be convicted.
  5. The Holy Spirit can show them the truth that will set them free (John 8:32). If they need to repent and apologize, He will convict them.
  6. If the devil or another person has blamed them unjustly, the Holy Spirit can expose the lies.
  7. The devil likes to rob us of joy, because joyless Christians make the Christian walk look unattractive to others. He likes to rob us of energy that could be spent in Christian service.
  8. When we sense negative emotions and lack of joy, we should get alone with the Holy Spirit, ask Him what lies of the devil may be robbing us of joy, and what specific truth from the Word we need in order to be free.
  9. Be aware that to some extent, Christian theories have imitated secular theories from the mental health profession. Christian wives especially have been blamed for their husbands’ faults. They have sometimes been told that if they were obedient enough, supportive enough, and sexual enough, their husbands would stop drinking alcohol, get a job, or stop committing adultery. Christian parents have sometimes been blamed if their children leave the Church and live sinful lives.
  10. Christian theories that imitate secular theories are particularly deceptive. While they appear to follow Christian teaching by encouraging confession of sin, they actually blame innocent people for the sins of others.
  11. The Bible teaches that each person must accept responsibility for his/her own sin. No one will come before the judgment seat of God and be allowed to blame anyone else for their sins.

10. Is anger a problem for you at this time in your life? Please explain your answer.

Common responses:

  1. Most have made great progress in overcoming anger by extending God’s love and forgiveness to others.
  2. Many used to have problems with anger and explosions of temper.
  3. Some acknowledge that they need to continue to make progress.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Affirm their progress. None of it was easy.
  2. Encourage them to take their anger into prayer and ask the Holy Spirit if they handled their anger His way or if He wants them to handle situations differently.
  3. Anger is often a reaction to feeling helpless and afraid.
  4. Behind fear are often lies of the devil, which we can ask the Holy Spirit to expose.
  5. We are never helpless if we pray over difficult situations. We can ask God to fix the situations that we cannot.
  6. Anger is why some Christians are hostile towards the very people to whom they should be living and speaking a good witness. They should pray instead of getting angry.

11. Are you having any problems getting along with authority figures (whether it is their fault or yours)? Please explain your answer.

Common responses:

  1. Some are not.
  2. Some used to, but now give respect to authority figures, thereby reducing the conflict.
  3. Some are in environments where they are treated unjustly, where authority figures themselves do not follow the rules, and where authority figures make bad decisions.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Affirm their progress. None of it was easy.
  2. Encourage them to keep difficult situations in prayer and seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance.
  3. God will judge unjust authority figures. Our job is to pray for them (I Peter 2:13-17).

12. Did you use any memorized Scripture to battle temptation lately? What was the result?

Common responses:

  1. Most have seen positive results.
  2. By this time, going to Scripture and prayer has become an automatic reflex.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Affirm the power of the Word to block temptation.
  2. Counsel based on your knowledge, experience, and what you have learned from working with this person.

13. How is your spiritual life in general, how are your private devotions, and how are things at your church/fellowship group?

Common responses:

  1. Most report that things are going well.
  2. Some are going through personal struggles or seeing problems at church.
  3. Sometimes they see problems at church because they have become more discerning of bad doctrines.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Encourage thanks and praise to God for whatever is going well.
  2. Never criticize any difficulties that they confess.
  3. Counsel based on your knowledge, experience, and what you have learned from working with this person.

14. Is there anyone in your life whom you are witnessing to, discipling, or spiritually helping in some other way? Please share, and let me know if I can be helpful.

Common responses:

  1. Some are doing that.
  2. Some are living a consistent witness in their daily lives, and the people around them are noticing.
  3. Some are becoming spiritual leaders in their churches or fellowship groups.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Affirm any efforts to help others spiritually. Their faithfulness will be blessed.

Plan of Action

  1. Affirm any Biblical response.
  2. Counsel based on your knowledge, experience, and what you have learned from working with this person.
  3. Give lots of encouragement for any valid ideas on how to make changes.
  4. Encourage confessing sin and receiving forgiveness where they identify a need to make changes.

Additional Points:

  1. Throughout our life on this earth, there are times and seasons during which it is helpful to shut oneself up alone with the Holy Spirit, invite His searching of our hearts and minds, and allow Him to work deep changes in us.
  2. Such times are a blessing. Sins are exposed so we can confess them. Lies of the devil are exposed and replaced with truth. We face our pain and grieve in the presence of Jesus. We re-evaluate our painful memories and see them in a different light.
  3. During the early centuries of the Church, Christian hermits moved out to the deserts to live alone so they could focus on prayer and contemplation.
  4. However, they were still part of the Body of Christ. They prayed for the people in the cities which they had left behind. They interceded on behalf of the Church as well as unbelievers.
  5. They were known for their wisdom. People came out of the cities into the desert to seek them out for spiritual guidance. They were the Christian counselors of their time.
  6. Some attracted so many followers that they had less time to be alone with God.
  7. These seasons of being alone are not just so that the overcomer can experience the changes the Holy Spirit is working in him/her. He/she might be undergoing preparation for the work that God has planned for him/her.
  8. How much solitude is too much, and is there a point at which it becomes unhealthy? One can become overly pre-occupied with one’s own spiritual benefits and neglect to share one’s gifts with others.
  9. God’s long-term goal is that we will someday share our blessings with others. The sweetness of our time alone with God is not just for our own enjoyment.
  10. We are to build up the Body of Christ in love.