Unit 4 Key 4 – For the Mentor

JOURNEY TO FREEDOM HANDBOOK

UNIT IV Key 4                         FORGIVENESS

Purpose of this Key:

1) Understand one’s barriers to forgiveness.

2) Understand one’s need to ask for forgiveness from others.

3) Understand the difficulties of acknowledging that our actions have hurt others.

4) Understand that by asking others’ forgiveness, we make it easier for them to forgive us and to become more free.

5) Realize that when we ask for forgiveness from others, we are sharing the freedom that Jesus brought to us.

6) Learn to accept confrontation from others.

7) Challenge the overcomer to seek to make amends.

Proverbs 28:13

Common responses:

  1. If we do not confess our sins, we cannot grow spiritually.
  2. When we confess our sins and accept God’s forgiveness, we are empowered to bless         others.   
  3. We are only as sick as our secrets.
  4. The longer we postpone confessing our sins, the more they will control us.

Points to emphasize:

1) Most understand the meaning of this verse.

  2) When we confess our sins, God can bless us and entrust more gifts to us.

3) People with secret sin and hidden guilt can be very destructive.

4) The more honest we are about our sins, the more we become like Jesus, and the more we like ourselves as the Holy Spirit transforms us.

Ephesians 4:25-27

Common responses:

1) Most realize they need to avoid lying.

2) Most realize they need to avoid anger and to deal constructively with conflict.

3) Anger only leads to more sins.

4) When we forgive others, we are trusting God to protect us.

5) Any unconfessed sin empowers the devil to tempt us to more sin.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Behind anger is often fear, and behind fear are lies of the devil.
  2. Fear and anger might be a reaction to events in our lives when we felt fear, trauma, shame, humiliation, helplessness, pain, and attacks on our self-esteem.
  3. Such events were the devil’s teachable moments during which he injected his lies.
  4. When the Holy Spirit exposes the lies and speaks truth against them from the Word (John 8:32 & 36), much of the power behind our anger and fear becomes weaker.
  5. When we recall a painful memory, we can ask the Holy Spirit to expose the lies that were injected into our minds during those events.
  6. The more the lies are exposed and truth is spoken against them, the more easily we can forgive the people through whom the lies were brought to us.
  7. If we feel angry, we need to be honest with ourselves and acknowledge what we are feeling. If we admit to ourselves we are feeling angry, we are less likely to strike out in the wrong ways.
  8. It is not a sin to get angry; it is what we do in response to it that matters.
  9. So often anger is in response to believing we are helpless; but the more we recognize the power we have in prayer, the less helpless we feel.
  10. We benefit greatly from getting into petitionary prayer for the issue we feel angry about, intercessory prayer for those who wronged us, and self-examining prayer to discern the lies that feed our anger.
  11. Rather than go to bed angry, we need to take the whole issue before the Lord.

Ephesians 4:29-31

Common responses:

  1. We are to avoid sins of words.
  2. If we are tempted to use harsh words towards someone, our hearts are not right before God. We need to pray self-examining and penitent prayers.
  3. If we are mindful of our thoughts, we are less apt to sin in our words.
  4. Many realize that unkind words grieve the Holy Spirit.
  5. We are called to build each other up with our words.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Note the progression from the previous verses.
  2. The more the devil’s lies are purged from our thinking, the more we will be empowered to edify others, the less likely we will say the wrong things, and the more our speech will reflect God’s mercy.
  3. Our emotions are like a warning signal that we need to be mindful of our thoughts.
  4. We need to ask God how to handle difficult situations.  

Matthew 5:23-24

Common responses:

  1. To grow spiritually, we need to make our peace with others as soon as possible.
  2. We are to take the initiative to make peace with others.
  3. We are to approach those who have something against us, and not expect them to make the first move.
  4. We need to do this before we worship.
  5. Our efforts to reconcile will be Spirit-led.
  6. Our offerings to the Lord do not cover sin; He will not accept our offerings if we have not sought reconciliation.

Points to emphasize:

  1. The modern application is that we are to attempt reconciliation before receiving Holy Communion (sometimes called the Sacrament of the Altar) or praying with someone else.
  2. Note that the emphasis is on the other person having something against us, not on us having something against them.
  3. This is not just about giving forgiveness, but asking for it, even if we do not think we did anything wrong.
  4. The elements of Communion are God’s forgiveness in Christ in tangible, visible form. He instituted Holy Communion the evening before going to the cross for our sins (Matthew 26:26-28 & I Corinthians 11:23-29).
  5. We eat and drink judgment to ourselves if we receive Communion without repenting, giving forgiveness, or seeking it when necessary.

Luke 19:1-10

Common responses:

  1. Zaccheus’ repentance was genuine. He sought to make things right with those he had robbed.
  2. Stopping a sin is not enough; as much as possible, we need to make things right with those we have wronged.
  3. Zaccheus made an exact plan, presented it to the Lord, and was approved to go ahead with it.
  4. Jesus is a Friend of sinners and brings radical transformation.
  5. Jesus loves us, and He also loves the people we have wronged.
  6. The mercy of God in Christ calls for total surrender.
  7. Other people should not have judged Zaccheus; no one is beyond the reach of God’s mercy.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Explain that the tax collectors worked for the Roman occupation, cheated people, oppressed the poor, and were hated by patriotic Hebrews. They were traitors.
  2. All Zaccheus asked for was a chance to see Jesus. He felt unworthy of anything more.
  3. He did not care if he embarrassed himself by climbing a tree, even though he was a grown man with authority in the community.
  4. Penitent sinners receive an overwhelming response. Jesus invited Himself over for dinner to the house of the most hated person in the crowd.
  5. In response to the enormity of mercy given him, Zaccheus was willing to spare himself nothing.
  6. At no time did Jesus feel it necessary to show His disapproval of Zaccheus’ lifestyle. So often, modern Christians in social situations with unbelievers think they must display their disapproval. But when Jesus ate His dinner with sinners, He never felt it necessary to display His disapproval.
  7. Often the mercy of God is what breaks our resistance and brings us to repentance. In the presence of Jesus, our sins become clear.
  8. The only person in the crowd who is recorded as confessing his sins is Zaccheus.

1. Three parts of forgiveness are listed in the reading. Which is the easiest for you to practice? Why do you think that is?

Common responses:

  1. Most say the first one; they can more easily approach God to ask for forgiveness because He is gracious and merciful.
  2. Some say they can more easily approach God to ask for forgiveness because He cannot be seen.
  3. Some have noticed that they can more easily give and ask for forgiveness regarding other people after they have received God’s forgiveness.
  4. Some say it is hardest to ask for others’ forgiveness, because of pride, shame, and uncertainty about what response will be given.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Affirm that God never scolds us or humiliates us, is slow to anger, and abounds in steadfast love (Joel 2:13).
  2. He does not hold grudges or bring up our pasts.

2. Which of the three is the hardest? Why do you think that is?

Common responses:

  1. Some say it is hardest to ask others’ forgiveness, because one risks rejection and it hurts our pride.
  2. Others say it is hardest to forgive people who show no remorse or will not stop deliberately offending.

Points to emphasize:

  1. We need to ask God frequently how to deal with difficult people.
  2. The overcomer might benefit from reviewing the material on forgiving others.
  3. Be aware that forgiveness is less like flipping a switch and more like peeling an
    1. onion. One can give forgiveness, but the emotional consequences can hurt for a long time. This is true not only for us when we have been wronged but also for those whom we have wronged.
  4. We can give forgiveness, but we may not trust the person who has wronged us. This is also true when we ask someone’s forgiveness; they may not trust us for a long time, and they may need to see evidence of our changed lives to help them forgive.
  5. Part of being an agent of God’s mercy to others is asking for forgiveness when necessary, thereby making it easier for those we injured to forgive us.
  6. Sometimes forgiving others means we accept the consequences of their sin. If someone breaks one’s leg, part of forgiveness is to accept walking with a limp the rest of one’s life. If someone causes one’s post-traumatic stress issues, part of forgiveness is to accept flashbacks, panic attacks, and nightmares. This goes both ways; those who forgive us may have to accept the physical or emotional consequences of what we did to them.
  7. Affirm the courage they have shown when they sought others’ forgiveness.
  8. Affirm that God will bless us for seeking others’ forgiveness, whether they give it or not.
  9. God can unleash His power when we become humble.
  10. If we are quick to admit to wrong-doing in little issues, they might never turn into big   issues (Song of Solomon 2:15).
  11. While admitting we are wrong hurts our pride, it is less painful to do so voluntarily of our own free will instead of waiting for others to confront us on a problem that has grown bigger than necessary.
  12. The consequences of not admitting our wrong-doings can be very costly. Nations will go to war, spend billions of dollars, and even lose a generation of young men, rather than admit to another country that they have been wrong. Divorcing couples will spend many thousands of dollars in bitter court battles rather than seek forgiveness from each other. (Divorce attorneys’ fees might have been better spent on college funds for the children.)
  13. Every parent makes mistakes, but asking the children’s forgiveness helps correct the results of those mistakes. This also teaches the children the value of asking for and giving forgiveness.
  14. When parents ask each other’s forgiveness for wrongs done, they set an example for the children. Penitent sinners thereby bless future generations.
  15. Parents who blame others, make excuses, deny wrong-doing, minimize the seriousness of their wrong-doing, or use other defense mechanisms, teach their children to do likewise. They bring more sin into the family (Jeremiah 31:29 & Lamentations 5:7).

3. Do you see any ways in which lack of forgiveness is hindering your freedom in Christ? Please describe.

Common responses:

  1. Some have noticed that holding a grudge hinders prayer.
  2. Some have experienced blessings from praying for those who wronged them.
  3. Some have noticed that the more they forgive, the more likely others are to forgive them.
  4. Some share honest difficulties they have had with giving forgiveness.
  5. Some realize that failing to forgive prevents them from becoming everything God is calling them to be.
  6. Some realize that failing to forgive makes them more judgmental.

Points to emphasize:

  1. If they acknowledge still feeling pain, that does not mean they have not forgiven. The pain may never go away for those who were severely abused.
  2. Some of the pain is not from the abuse itself, but from the lies injected into their minds during traumatic episodes.
  3. Forgiveness means we renounce any thoughts of revenge, block mental rehearsals of the wrongs done, pray for the salvation of those who wronged us, and behave kindly and patiently towards them.
  4. Be aware that that many ssa/ma/tx overcomers were sexually abused as children. The worst part of the abuse might have been that the child experienced some pleasure in it. Those memories might even become the fantasies that accompany masturbation or the focus of erotic dreams. This results in intense shame, self-hatred, and even suicidal thoughts.
  5. Reassure them that they need not be ashamed of any sexual response they had during sexual abuse. The nerve endings were only doing what the nerve endings were designed to do. We do not condemn someone who gets a nosebleed as a result of being punched in the nose; the capillaries of the nose are only doing what they are designed to do. Likewise abuse victims should not condemn themselves for any pleasurable feelings they had, because the nerve endings of their genitals were doing what they were designed to do.
  6. We need not continue to feel shame. When Jesus hung naked on the cross, He bore our griefs and sorrows (Isaiah 53:4-5) and despised the shame (Hebrews 12:2). He paid for the sins of both victims and abusers.
  7. Shame is based on the lies of the devil. God’s Word tells the truth.

4. Please list some of the people you have wronged, to whom you need to make amends.

Common responses:

  1. Minor-attracted adults mention their victims.
  2. Many mention family members and friends.
  3. Divorced people often mention ex-spouses.
  4. The laws often prevent any contact between minor-attracted adults and their victims. Sometimes the courts require the offender to write letters of apology to his victims. They can now write the letters sincerely instead of just fulfilling the court requirements.
  5. Some have already made what amends they can.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Even though our sins caused problems for others, God will bless our efforts to make amends.
  2. When we try to make amends, we put ourselves in a vulnerable position, because the other person has a perfect opportunity to hurt us back.
  3. Sometimes when we obey God’s will, our victims become even more angry, because we are aggravating their hidden guilt.
  4. Our victims may feel jealous of God’s undeserved blessings on our lives, and the joy and peace we have because of God’s mercy.
  5. Our victims may have felt more comfortable judging us as the “bad ones”. Deep down they know they are wrong for refusing to forgive us, so they feel guilty. Remember the Elder Brother in Luke 15.
  6. Our victims may have people in their lives whom they have wronged, to whom they need to make amends; your example might aggravate their guilt, or it might show them the way to make those amends.
  7. If nothing else, we must pray for those we have wronged, that they would repent, accept God’s forgiveness, and be healed of hurts. We may not be truly reconciled until we get to Heaven, where they will thank us for praying for them to get there.

5. Have you ever made amends or tried to make amends to someone you have wronged? What was the result?

Common responses:

  1. Most report positive results.
  2. Others were rejected.
  3. Some feel better because they tried.
  4. Some found making amends meant they had to work to regain trust.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Encourage thanks and praise for what went well.
  2. Affirm that they were right to try to make amends, even if they were rejected.
  3. God will bless us for doing right even if people do not respond favorably.
  4. Those we wronged may not be ready to risk trusting us again.
  5. We need to be Spirit-led as we try to make amends.

6. Has anyone ever confronted you on your wrong-doing against them? How did you respond?

Common responses:

  1. Some apologized promptly.
  2. Some got defensive but now realize that they responded badly.
  3. Some got defensive before they received Christ and began reading their Bibles; now they listen even if the other person might be wrong, and they accept responsibility for their part of the problem.
  4. Some had no idea that they were offending others until they were confronted.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Affirm non-defensive reactions.
  2. Affirm their changes to becoming less defensive and more willing to listen to feedback.
  3. Discernment is called for: some people confront us just to aggrandize their own egos, while others are sincerely trying to be helpful.
  4. Accepting godly reproof is a sign of spiritual maturity.
  5. Affirm that by accepting responsibility for their actions and showing sincere remorse, they enable healing for those whom they have wronged. They thereby show unselfish love. Their consciences are functioning the way God intended.
  6. When we have done all we can, we can only leave the results to God.

7. What do the following passages tell you?

Proverbs 21:4

Common responses:

  1. We need to remain humble.
  2. Pride is the reason we do not forgive others or seek forgiveness from others.
  3. When we judge those who wronged us, we are trying to put ourselves in God’s place.
  4. We must never think we are better than others.

Points to emphasize:

  1. A prideful facial expression that reflects prideful attitudes is sin.
  2. Prideful thoughts need to be immediately cast down in prayer.
  3. Affirm the connection between pride and a refusal to forgive or seek forgiveness.
  4. Pride blocks the path to joy.
  5. Pride is behind all of our defense mechanisms: denying our sin, minimizing our sin, making excuses for our sin, blaming others for our sin, projecting our sin onto others and fighting it in them instead of acknowledging it in ourselves, doing good deeds to compensate for our sin, persuading others to condone our sin, surrounding ourselves with others who commit the same sin and approve of us, avoiding others who disapprove of us, fighting anyone who disapproves of us, focusing on people whose sins we think are worse than ours, etc.

Proverbs 24:17

Common responses:

  1. We should not allow ourselves to be happy when something bad happens to an enemy.
  2. Instead, we should help them if we can.
  3. God may be disciplining them, so we ought to pray for their salvation.
  4. He may soon discipline us if our attitudes are ungodly.
  5. If they do not repent, any benefits they have in this life are short-lived; our benefits last forever.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Any spiteful or vindictive attitudes must be cast down immediately in prayer.
  2. God cannot entrust vulnerable souls to our care if we are happy when bad things happen to our enemies.
  3. We should pray that their troubles will lead to repentance.
  4. Our sinful nature feels happy when something bad happens to those who wronged us, but this verse reflects the holiness of God, Who forbids us to indulge in such thrills.

Proverbs 24:29

Common responses:

  1. We must never seek revenge; we are to love those who wronged us.
  2. When we seek to love those who wronged us, we reflect God’s glory and holiness.
  3. The desire for revenge shows that our hearts are corrupted by sin.
  4. We need to trust God to handle those who wronged us.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Affirm that when we pray for those who wronged us, we release God’s power in our lives.
  2. When we pray for those who wronged us, we are cooperating with God’s plan, which is to bring redemption into their lives.
  3. Affirm the mighty work that God has done in their hearts. Many come from backgrounds of abuse and humiliation.
  4. We can block vindictive thoughts and fantasies of revenge with memorized Scripture.

Exodus 23:4-5

Common responses:

  1. Respect your enemy’s possessions.
  2. Treat your enemy as you want to be treated.
  3. If we ignore our enemies when they need help, God will notice our failure to love.
  4. An enemy in need tests our love and is an opportunity to show God’s love.
  5. God will reward our compassion towards an enemy.

Points to emphasize:

  1. We should be happy for the opportunity to demonstrate God’s love toward our enemy.
  2. There are situations where one must be “wise as a serpent” while being “harmless as a dove” (Matthew 10:16). We may not always see the best way to help and may need discernment.
  3. If we help an enemy, Matthew 25:21 & 23 apply along with Hebrews 6:10.
  4. It is hard enough to avoid opportunities for revenge; this passage takes us further and calls us to active kindness toward an enemy.
  5. Obedience to this passage indicates our degree of commitment to Christ.

I Corinthians 13:6

Common responses:

  1. Unforgiveness is unrighteousness.
  2. Never be happy when something bad happens, either to friends or to enemies.
  3. Rejoice over what is true, not over what is wrong.
  4. The Word should be the source of our joy.

Points to emphasize:

  1. If we feel tempted to be spiteful toward one who has wronged us, that should remind us to pray on their behalf.
  2. If temptation motivates us to pray, the devil still does not win.
  3. When God humbles someone, He seldom does it before an audience. That is usually a private experience between the sinner and Savior. Others are deprived of the thrill of seeing that person humbled, but we are so relieved when God extends that same courtesy to us.

8. Please read Genesis 37, and 39-45

a. What were some of the wrongs that were done to Joseph?

Common responses:

  1. He was hated by his brothers, almost murdered, sold as a slave, stalked and falsely accused by Potipher’s wife, thrown into prison on false charges, and forgotten by someone he had helped.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Most people comprehend the main points.

2)   When his life seemed to be getting better, he got knocked down again.

3)   Many people lose their faith when they have to endure so much hardship.

4)   One day began like any other day, but by sundown he had been taken out of prison, cleaned up, brought before Pharaoh, and made Prime Minister.

5)   All Joseph had ever asked for was to be let out of prison. He never imagined he would become Prime Minister.

6)   God postponed granting his wish because He had bigger plans for Joseph.

b. What were some of the things he did in response to the wrongs done him?

Common responses:

  1. He did not become vindictive.
  2. He remained dedicated to the Lord.
  3. God was first in his life, so he rejected Mrs. Potipher’s attempts to seduce him.
  4. After he became Prime Minister and out-ranked Potipher, he did not take revenge on Potipher or his wife.
  5. He worked hard even though he did slave labor.
  6. He forgave his brothers and met his family’s needs.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Affirm any Biblical insights.
  2. He even found ways to thrive. Potipher and the prison warden recognized his abilities. He made improvements in everything and benefited others.
  3. Mrs. Potipher was in a position to make his life very comfortable. She possibly had seduced other male slaves, who had eagerly given in. Joseph had nothing to gain except God’s approval when he refused her.
  4. Egypt had made him slave, but he still found ways to bless Egypt in a dignified and self-respecting manner.
  5. He might have been tempted to do as little work as possible, because it was slave labor, but he was practicing the organizational/administrative skills that would later help him become an effective Prime Minister, though he did not know it.
  6. He made sure Egypt had enough food to survive the famine and sell to neighboring countries.
  7. If he had refused to help Egypt, motivated by personal spite and a desire to see Egypt suffer, he would have missed a great opportunity.
  8. By helping Egypt, he was later able to help his own family.
  9. Not only did he not become bitter and resentful, but he seemed completely unselfish.

c. What were some of the gifts God gave Joseph?

Common responses:

  1. Humility, love for his family, strong faith, and the ability to forgive.
  2. Prophetic dreams.
  3. Administrative/organizational skills.
  4. God entrusted him with great power.
  5. God gave him a new family.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Affirm any Biblical insights and point out anything they miss.
  2. His strong faith, his prophetic gift, and organizational/administrative abilities seem to be his greatest gifts. They were the perfect combination for what was needed.

d. What does Judah’s petition in Genesis 44:18-34 say about love?

Common responses:

  1. He was willing to sacrifice himself.
  2. Love made him humble.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Affirm that Judah’s love for both father and brother led him to offer himself as a ransom. Judah was an ancestor of Jesus, Who became the Ransom on our behalf, and Who has been called the Lion of Judah (Revelation 5:5).
  2. This offer of Judah’s likely took Joseph totally by surprise. He may have been afraid that his half-brothers were treating Benjamin just as they had treated him, and Joseph’s whole plot was to rescue Benjamin before the half-brothers sold him as a slave or murdered him. After Jacob died, there would be no protection left for Benjamin. Benjamin was the only brother Joseph had reason to care about.
  3. Joseph had no reason to believe that his half-brothers had repented. He may have assumed that that the half-brothers would gladly sacrifice Benjamin just to save themselves. Judah’s plea causes Joseph’s 20 years of resentment to come crashing down. Judah cared more for his father and half-brother than he cared for himself. If Benjamin had become their father’s new favorite after they had sold Joseph as a slave, the half-brothers show no signs of resentment.
  4. Joseph may have given Benjamin more food at dinner just to provoke the half-brothers’ jealousy (Genesis 43:34). He likely did not expect they would even come back to the palace when Benjamin was arrested (Genesis 44:12-17), and Joseph gave them every opportunity to abandon Benjamin.
  5. Joseph lets go of his resentment in an explosion of emotion that was heard in the next palace (Genesis 45:1-2).

e. Can you think of a time when you applied Genesis 45:5 & 8, and 50:20 to your own situation?

Common responses:

  1. Some have forgiven their abusers.
  2. Some have reconciled with abusers, victims, or victims’ families.
  3. Many have seen blessings come out of painful situations.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Affirm any Biblical insights. Refer to Romans 8:28.

f. What does Genesis 50:14-21 say further about broken relationships?

Common responses:

  1. Genuine forgiveness healed the family.
  2. Decades of guilt and fear came to an end.
  3. Only by God’s mercy could this problem be fixed.
  4. Both parties were sincere, which led to genuine mending of the relationship in love.

Points to emphasize:

  1. The brothers’ mistrust and guilt caused Joseph genuine distress.
  2. Joseph forgave them more easily than they accepted his forgiveness.
  3. Reconciliation and regaining trust can be a slow process, which is normal.
  4. Reconciliation and regaining trust may not be finished in this lifetime. Perfection will only be achieved in Heaven.
  5. However, the seeds sown by one’s efforts to improve family relationships can bless future generations.
  6. Joseph’s forgiveness led to the coming of Moses, to whom God gave the 10 Commandments, which laid the foundation for a mighty civilization that was very different from the Canaanite culture. This led to the coming of Jesus (John 1:17), Who brought redemption to many.
  7. This text shows the right way to handle the on-going pain of mistrust and guilt. There is much pain in this passage. The memories of what had happened never went away.
  8. When someone wrongs us, it is like a nail being pounded into a wall. Forgiveness is like the nail being pulled out. But there will always be a hole left from the experience.
  9. Forgiveness often means learning to live with the holes in our hearts. We do not need to condemn ourselves for the holes in our hearts caused by the selfishness, lust, mindless hatred, etc., of others.
  10. Our hearts are intended for love, and unrequited love is very painful. Loving someone who refuses to love us back, when we long for relationship, is a heavy cross to carry.
  11. Revelations 21:4 tells us that we will have tears on this earth. Some day Jesus Himself will wipe them away with His own hand.

9. On a scale of 1-10, how victorious have you had lately? Please explain your answer.

Common responses:

  1. Most are doing well.
  2. Some report having had sexual opportunities, but refused.
  3. Some report sensing the nearness of God when they pray for help against temptation.
  4. Some report changes in their thinking.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Encourage thanks and praise to God for any victory gained.
  2. If the number is high because they have had very little temptation lately, encourage thanks and praise to God. 
  3. If the number is high because they have had to fight much temptation and were successful, encourage thanks and praise to God.
  4. More tests will likely be put in their way, but future tests should not spoil their enjoyment of the victories they have had so far.
  5. Avoid criticizing a low number. Try to find out the reason for it. Ask about their thoughts, attitudes, stressful situations, how they are using their time, or if anything unexpected has happened.
  6. If they sin less frequently than before, assure them that God has been working in their lives. Encourage progress, not perfection.
  7. If they slipped into sin but noticed that the feelings were not as strong, that is a sign of God at work in their lives. Encourage them to confess it, accept God’s forgiveness, and get back on track.
  8. If they feel worse after sinning than they used to, that is a sign that God has made their consciences more responsive to His will. They can be thankful for their awakened consciences; they used to be dead in their sins (Ephesians 2:1).
  9. Remind them that I John 1:9 and Romans 8:1 always apply.
  10. Encourage them to retrace their steps and ask the Holy Spirit to give them insight into    what weakness led to the fall.
  11. Encourage them to confess sins of thoughts (Romans 12:2) in order to more easily avoid sins of words and deeds.
  12. Continue to encourage them to use memorized Scripture to block tempting and negative thoughts. Encourage use of the Emergency Prayer.
  13. If they view themselves as making very little progress, keep their focus on God’s mercy rather than their own failures. Punishing themselves with guilt accomplishes nothing; Jesus took the punishment on their behalf.
  14. New Christians do not always understand the difference between temptation and actual          sin. Some give themselves a low number, but while the temptation was great, they may not have fallen into sin. Explain the difference to them.
  15. If they have not had temptation in a long while, they might need to be aware that the devil does not give up easily and may be preparing a major attack. This possibility should not prevent them from enjoying their progress now. Overcomers commonly experience a major attack of temptation before getting the final victory over a besetting sin. If they withstand a big temptation, which can go on for days or weeks, they will usually find themselves that much stronger once it is over. Encourage them to pray for rescue immediately when tempted.

10. Did you use any memorized Scripture to battle temptation lately? What was the result?

Common responses:

  1. Answers will vary.
  2. By now, most have learned to use the Word effectively against temptation.
  3. Most are using the Word against sins of deeds. Some are still learning to use it against the sins of thought.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Affirm any Biblical response.

11. How is your spiritual life in general, how are your private devotions, and how are things at your church/fellowship group?

Common responses:

  1. Answers will vary.
  2. Most report that things are going well.
  3. A few are beginning to emerge as leaders in their church/fellowship groups.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Encourage them to praise God for whatever is going well.
  2. Explore what is not going well and try to help them find out why.  
  3. Counsel based on your knowledge, experience, and what you have learned from working with this person.

12. Have you had a chance to help someone else with a spiritual problem lately? Have you had a chance to help anyone else with an ssa/ma/tx issue lately? Please explain.

Common responses:

  1. Answers will vary.
  2. Some are witnessing, some are mentoring, some are praying with people who need prayer, and some are learning to be Christian servants.
  3. Those who are finding their avenues of service are often very excited about the opportunities they have to help others.
  4. A few have had opportunities to help others who have ssa/ma/tx issues.

Points to emphasize:

  1. Affirm Matthew 25:21 & 23, and I Corinthians 1:26-28. The author knows of prisons in America where penitent minor-attracted adults are leading revivals.
  2. Those who have not yet found their avenue of service eventually will if they continue to walk with the Lord (Ephesians 2:10).

Plan of Action:

  1. Affirm any Biblical response.
  2. Counsel based on your knowledge, experience, and what you have learned from working with this person.
  3. Give lots of encouragement for any valid ideas on how to make changes.
  4. Encourage confession of sin and receiving forgiveness where they identify their need to make changes.

Additional points:

  1. We sometimes find ourselves struggling with the issues raised in Psalm 73. Please read it before going on.
  2. We have all seen kind, generous people suffering from disaster and calamity, while evil people appear to prosper no matter how many others they hurt.
  3. This can make forgiveness even more difficult.
  4. Sometimes we spend years recovering from the harm caused by the cruelty and indifference of others, while those who wronged us seem to be thoroughly enjoying themselves.
  5. We could more easily forgive those who wronged us if we could see God punishing them and blessing us.
  6. It is much harder to forgive them when the opposite seems to occur.
  7. This also tests our faith. We question why we confess our sins and pursue holiness, while God seems more interested in disciplining us than blessing us.
  8. We actually have no need to envy people who enjoy a few decades of pleasure before facing a Christ-less eternity (Luke 12:16-21 & Matthew 16:24-26).
  9. God’s kindness is meant to bring them to repentance (Romans 2:4), as His kindness brought us to repentance.
  10. We do not know whether those prosperous but unrepentant sinners are truly happy, or living lives of continual self-indulgence to distract themselves from inner emptiness.
  11. They may appear to be rich, but actually be deep in debt.
  12. They may appear to be having fun, but relying on alcohol or other chemicals to cope with daily life (Proverbs 23:35).
  13. They may have nice houses and possessions, but a family where everyone is in conflict with the others (Proverbs 17:1).
  14. The Psalmist concludes that the best response to the dilemma is to keep his focus on God’s mercy, rather than the temporary prosperity of unrepentant sinners (John 6:68).