These are just suggestions for helping you start to change your habits. You might feel led by God to add or change some of these suggestions. But do find some way to put each Key into practice. If nothing changes, nothing changes. There are separate suggestions that go with each Key. Only develop a plan for the Key you are doing.

Key #1 Desire

            Study what it means to be saved only and entirely by God’s mercy in Christ. Get rid of any idea that you have to “clean yourself up” first before you can approach God. Approach His throne of Grace with boldness, confess every sin by name that you can think of, and ask His forgiveness. Do not limit this only to sins connected with same-sex attractions; include everything.

            Make a list of all the ways in which the homosexual lifestyle has hurt you. Include both emotional and financial costs. Make a list of all the benefits of freedom.

            Be aware of situations where you feel the weakest and most strongly tempted, and seek ways to avoid them. These may include, but are not limited to, getting rid of pornography, avoiding certain books, movies, magazines, or TV programs, and avoiding mood-altering chemicals.

            If you feel tempted around certain individuals, avoid them only if it is necessary. Be sensitive to any feelings of hurt or rejection they may have. It is more necessary that you to take responsibility for your own actions rather than purge your life of people who choose to continue in the gay lifestyle.

            If your church has an accountability group, which gives support to people coping with sexual or chemical temptations, pray about joining it. If your church has no such group available, pray about starting one. There are many instances where ssa/ma/tx people started such a group in order to help each other overcome temptation, and the ever-straight people asked to join them after seeing spiritual fruit in their lives. You may need to educate the straight people in the group on how to help you, and you should be open to learning how to help them. The group should not exclude anyone who is sincerely trying to overcome temptation and handle their sexuality in godly ways.  

            Talk to your pastor and let him know that you have same-sex attractions and are seeking to overcome them. If he is unsupportive, believes that there is nothing wrong with homosexuality, or takes the opposite approach and regards it as a worse sin than others and is unwelcoming, you may need to prayerfully consider finding a different church.

Key #2 Faith

            Seek to build up your faith with daily Bible reading and prayer time.

            Start looking for the evidence of a merciful God in every passage. Even in His judgments, He is calling people to repentance so that He can give them His mercy.

            Find a Bible-believing church where the pastor accepts that homosexuality is a sin that can be redeemed by Christ, and worship regularly. His sermons should reflect both God’s Law and also salvation through the mercy of God in Christ. If the pastor is Bible-believing but doesn’t know much about overcoming homosexuality and is willing to learn, you may be the person to educate him.

            Attend the adult Bible study for fellowship and a place to make new friends. You may or may not choose to come out to the group about your struggle. You may have a role in educating the church about how to help overcomers, and in time the church may become a good place for others seeking to overcome same-sex attracted people

            Seek ways to be of service in the church, even while still struggling. Everyone there is a sinner, and no one can wait to become perfected before being of service to others.

            If you are minor-attracted, and the governing board of a Biblically solid church asks you to abide by reasonable restrictions in your interactions with minor children, it is best to accept their restrictions in a spirit of godly humility. Your attitude will go a long way towards building trust, and reasonable restrictions are for your protection as well as for others.

            Such a covenant, however, needs to be a two-way street, with obligations on both parties. For their part, they need to accept you as a brother/sister in Christ, as a penitent sinner saved by Grace, and recognize that the ground is level at the foot of the cross. This includes, but is not limited to, any opportunity to be of service, to learn, to teach, and to fellowship.

Key #3 Scripture

            Same-sex attracted people often have a distorted image of God. Study the 4 Gospels to learn what kind of a Person Jesus was and how He reflects the heart of God the Father.

            Identify your weaknesses and find verses or passages that addresses each. Let the Holy Spirit point you to verses that are particularly meaningful and speak to your heart.

            Then memorize them, and get in the habit of repeating them whenever you are tempted to negative thoughts, sexual fantasies, or lust. If you have trouble memorizing, you can write them down and carry them with you.

            It is helpful to repeat the verses before going into potentially tempting situations.

Key #4 Forgiveness

            Make a list of the wrongs you have experienced. Face the hurt, helplessness, and humiliation when in a safe place and in an attitude of prayer. Grieve in the presence of Jesus, Who bore our griefs and sorrows. Do not try to do this all at once. Traumatic experiences need to be faced a little at a time.

            Identify the lies that were injected into your mind when you were vulnerable and traumatized. Speak the truth of God’s Word to the lies. Take the lies to God in prayer, confess that you have believed them and responded to them, and pray to be shown the truth from the Word.

            Use memorized Scripture to stop yourself from endlessly rehearsing the wrongs that were done to you. Reject all fantasies of revenge. This includes fantasies of “making them realize” what they did to you, because that wish is often revenge in pious disguise.

            Surrender the “power rush” that anger gives you. That emotion is deceptive and potentially addictive.

            Confess any sin on your part that contributed to the painful events or that were done out of revenge. Their sin does not justify your sin. Ask for forgiveness from other people and/or seek to make amends where you can.

            Above all, keep focused on the cross and the Ransom paid for you. Jesus suffered a torture death to compensate us for the wrongs done to us. He paid for our sins and the sins of our perpetrators. Whether they repent or not lies between Him and them. You are the one justified by His mercy.

Key #5 Love

            In your Scripture reading, pay attention to what it has to say about God’s love for us. First Corinthians 13 is known as the “love chapter”, and it describes God’s love while setting a standard for us.

            Look for ways to act lovingly toward others, including difficult people who are hard to love.

            Confess any unloving thoughts and ask God to give you an extra measure of love for difficult people. You may have to ask Him to change your will and make you willing to love others.

Key #6 Surrender

            Keep focusing in your Scripture reading about what kind of God to Whom you are surrendering.

            Surrender your body and all its parts, especially the parts involved in homosexuality. Ask God to show you how He wants you to use your body and intellect in His service.

            Make a habit of asking God to show you His will for every part of your day, including your decision-making, your relationships, your thinking, and everything else.  

            Be aware of how setbacks of any kind, whether great or small, work together for good. When things appear to go wrong from your point of view, look for the hand of God working for His glory and your good.

Key #7 Re-building

            Fix any problems in your life that your sins caused, whether in the areas of finances, health, time-management, relationships, etc.

            Find God-pleasing things to do to occupy the time and energy that was spent on your sins.  Reach out for some new friends who will build

Ask God if there is some avenue of service He wants you to do. Become aware of your spiritual gifts and how God is calling you to use them.